Wow.

CLEVELAND — The Cleveland Indians traded versatile third baseman Casey Blake and cash to the Los Angeles Dodgers for two minor leaguers on Saturday.

You know, I knew they were officially throwing in the towel when they traded CC. But this is just rubbing it in. What, the team was playing TOO WELL after Sabathia left town, so you had to crush our souls another way?

For the record, here’s what came back:

In exchange for Blake, the Indians got catcher Carlos Santana and right-hander Jonathan Meloan.

Works for me, Meloan is apparently a stud, and I’ve missed calling Johan Santana the Black Magic Pitcher since he moved to the Mets. (See, it’s all about the on-air jokes.)

…almost.

Still, you’ve gotta feel for any poor hockey fans stuck in Peoria, who just saw their AHL Iowa Stars become the Iowa Chops:

“We really feel this name perfectly represents our vision of the new team,” team owner Kirby Schlegel, CEO of Schlegel Sports, said in a statement. “It illustrates Iowa’s agricultural heritage while also playing into the definition of chops, having nerve, resilience and staying power.

I can understand wanting to change the name, since they switch their NHL affiliation away from the Dallas Stars. But this is what happens when you start thinking about hometown connections: you become dinner.

WHAT?!

Last week, the report hit the wires that Canada’s national broadcaster, the CBC, had come to an impasse with the rights holder to the theme from Hockey Night in Canada, the network’s, and the nation’s, signature television program.

But now, CTV, the parent company to Canada’s TSN and RDS sports networks, has stepped in and swiped that theme right out from under the CBC. As a result, CTV will now be using that theme music over its telecasts of the NHL beginning this Fall, and as part of its hockey coverage during the 2010 Winter Olympics from Vancouver.

…WHAT?!

I JUS… HOW DOES… I DON’T…

YOU SHUT UP. YOU SHUT UP.

(Leave it to a government-run operation to botch something up this horribly.)

While Big Brown won yesterday’s Kentucky Derby by 4 3/4 lengths, the real story happened after the race.

Eight Belles, a filly who was trying to become the 4th to win the Derby, ended up in second place. But as her rider tried to pull her up, the horse broke both of her ankles. She fell on the track and would not get back up. But in an amazing show of sportshorseship, the other horses on the track would not let Eight Belles suffer. They, instead, picked up the filly on their backs, and as the crowd began to clap slowly, carried her into the veterinarian’s office to be euthanized.

“What an amazing display of what it’s all about,” said Dr. Larry Bramdlidge, the doctor who sent Eight Belles to her death. “Those horses wouldn’t let their compatriot suffer on the track. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Trainer Larry Jones was moved to tears. “It was absolutely amazing that the other horses took care of my filly. My only regret is that she could not thank them herself.”

Wow. Honestly, I think this is the most offensive thing I’ve ever written.

Aaaaahahahahahahaha!

Cincinnati Bengals receiver Chris Henry has been accused of punching an 18-year-old in the face and breaking his car window with a beer bottle.

heeehehehehehehe

This now Henry’s third incident since he was banned by the NFL for eight games. At this point, we’ve legitimately lost count of his number of arrests.

AAAAHAHAHAHAHAH

The Bengals today waived WR Chris Henry. Bengals president Mike Brown issued the following statement:

“Chris Henry has forfeited his opportunity to pursue a career with the Bengals. His conduct can no longer be tolerated.

Hoooooo boy. How long until Jerry Jones is on the line?

UPDATE: BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA