Explaining baseball to my 4-year-old:

See, that guy has to hit the ball that the other guy is pitching to him. If he doesn’t pitch it right, it’s a ball. Well yeah he’s throwing the ball, but it’s called a ball if… nevermind. If it’s where he can hit it, and he doesn’t hit it, it’s a strike. If he gets three strikes, he’s out. And if the team gets three outs, then they’re turn to bat is over.

Now, when he hits the ball, he has to get to base before the other guys can throw the baseball back to the base. If he gets there, he’s safe, but if he doesn’t, he’s out. If they catch the ball before it hits the ground, then he’s also out.

Oh geez, that guy tried to steal a base. Ok…. that guy was trying to sneak over to the other base while that guy was trying to hit… but they caught him. Yes, it’s bad to steal, honey.

How the hell am I supposed to explain a balk?

Explaining hockey to my 4-year-old:

They’re trying to get the puck in the net.

Now THERE’S a guy with no regard for human life.

Yes, I know I haven’t written anything in forever. But you know what? Shut up.

It’s good to know that for one day, the city of Detroit can forget about it’s crime, it’s corruption, it’s philadering mayor, it’s “aw-hell-naw-you-did-NOT” city council (I f-in’ love that video), and just revel in a fantastic sports nights for Detroit teams the world around. And I do mean “the world around”, because all of this happened away from Motown.

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ESPN just ran this graphic in the 6pm SportsCenter… Chris Webber’s retirement ends his career with an average of 20 points, 9 boards, and 4 assists per game. Great numbers, only 6 other players have that honor, 1 of them is the still-active Kevin Garnett, and the others are all Hall of Famers: Wilt Chamberlain, Elgin Baylor, Larry Bird and Billy Cunningham.

KG is already a lock for the Hall, so do you have to talk about C-Webb?

Well, to ESPN’s credit, whatever talking head they tossed to answered correctly when he said “Nope.” And there’s two reasons why.

First and foremost, Webber missed a lot of time. A lot of time. In 14 years (not counting this last season’s 9 games with Golden State), he averaged only 57 games per season. Across an 82 game schedule, that’s a lot of days off.

Secondly… well, geez, do I even have to say it? Even though it was a long time ago, and Michigan has done it’s best to retcon the entire Fab Five era because of the booster shennanigans, Webber will always be remembered for taking the timeout that didn’t exist. And as far as I know, the HoF doesn’t take kindly to inscriptions that read “Most remembered for blowing it.”

He hits two straight triple-doubles while begging the front office to make a move and give him some help.

They make the move, and while they wait for the players to get there, he goes and wins a game anyways with 2 NBA D-League scrubs. And somehow, he falls 2 assists short of a 3rd straigh trip-dub.

If it wasn’t obvious before, it is now. They should just rename the game “LeBronball”.