Here’s my 5:30 sportscast, in which I host a “Matt Millen Has Been Fired” Dance Party.

Millen Fired

He looks so… sad. Funny, because everyone else in Detroit (and Toledo, for that matter) has a little extra spring in their step today.

Once again…

• SAN FRANSISCO (-5) over Detroit. Hey, William Clay Jr. says he wants to fire Matt Millen! Too bad William Clay Sr. has the call on that one.
• BALTIMORE (-1.5) over Cleveland. You ever have that moment when your drunk and you start to wonder why so many people in Toledo are Steelers fans? This is why.
• New York Giants (-13) over CINCINNATI. Oh, NOW you decide to actually play hard?
• New York Jets (+9) over SAN DIEGO. I was 4 points ahead in my fantasy matchup. All I needed was a quiet night from Vincent Jackson. And I had that through 3 and a half quarters. One 70 yard pass later, I’m 0-3 in the WSPD league. Oddly enough, my team in the 20-team, auto-picked, “4 starters and cross your fingers!” league is 3-0. And that’s WITH losing Tom Brady. This shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

You’ve got it, 6-6.

New Goal: End the season exactly even.

• SAN FRANSISCO (-5) over Detroit. 90% of the Niners’ offense will come on the ground, and Mike Martz will cackle on the sidelines the entire game.
• BALTIMORE (-1.5) over Cleveland. My guess, Brady Quinn finally sees playing time. That makes me a sad panda.
• New York Giants (-13) over CINCINNATI. What, suddenly these chuckleheads are supposed to wake up and accomplish something?
• New York Jets (+9) over SAN DIEGO. Honestly, 9 points for the Chargers? The team that has lost two buzzer-beaters? Against Brett “Monday Night” Favre? Whatevs.

So far, I’m a Adrian Monk-tastic 4-4 on the year.

I’m trying to find video (or at least a picture), but for right now, a story from the Fresno Bee will have to do:

Nothing was stopping offenses. Even the famous Toledo cannon couldn’t keep up. Cornerback Desmond Marrow slid into the cannon on a play and was injured. It either broke the cannon, or they put it away for safety purposes, because in the second half, for the first time in 55 years, Toledo’s home scores were not followed by cannon fire.

Morrow was alright (thankfully), but how hollow is a Rockets touchdown with the report to follow? From what I saw (I missed the play, riding up in the elevator to the press box), but after it happened, the frat folded up their flag pretty quickly and got out of there. I’ve got an e-mail in to Paul Helgren to try and get the info.

Oh yeah, and the Rockets lost in Double OT, 52-51, Stutz went for the 2pt conversion at the end, but it was broken up from the get-go. Still, not bad for a team that was supposed to lose by 7.