Explaining baseball to my 4-year-old:

See, that guy has to hit the ball that the other guy is pitching to him. If he doesn’t pitch it right, it’s a ball. Well yeah he’s throwing the ball, but it’s called a ball if… nevermind. If it’s where he can hit it, and he doesn’t hit it, it’s a strike. If he gets three strikes, he’s out. And if the team gets three outs, then they’re turn to bat is over.

Now, when he hits the ball, he has to get to base before the other guys can throw the baseball back to the base. If he gets there, he’s safe, but if he doesn’t, he’s out. If they catch the ball before it hits the ground, then he’s also out.

Oh geez, that guy tried to steal a base. Ok…. that guy was trying to sneak over to the other base while that guy was trying to hit… but they caught him. Yes, it’s bad to steal, honey.

How the hell am I supposed to explain a balk?

Explaining hockey to my 4-year-old:

They’re trying to get the puck in the net.