I don’t know if I’ve told you before, but I’ve got super powers. Okay, maybe it’s not super, but it is most certainly an ability. An admittedly crappy one, sure… maybe not Heroes worthy, but maybe 4400 worthy. See, I can affect future events.

At first, it was just at restaurants. Is the food taking too long? Hold on, I’ll go to the bathroom. SHAZAAM, the food is there, and my dish is already cold. But hey, I’m willing to take one for the team.

But then, during last year’s football season, I was so impressed with the Lions start to the season, I switched the Kitna Kounter to the Bizzaro Kitna Kounter (this happened on the old-and-busted blog). After I made that switch, the Lions reeled off 6 straight losses and all was right with the world.

I’ve vowed to only use these powers for good, and right now, there is a need for me to use them… the 2008 Detroit Tigers.

Yes, it is still very, very early in the season. But something may-or-may-not-be amiss. And so, harnessing my powers of making myself look like a dumbass, I present to you, the fix.

PANIC!!!!!!

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! 120 LOSSES! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Enjoy the rest of the season, Tigs fans. You can thank me later.

UPDATE:

Muslim Jim Leyland isn’t amused.